


Panic

by ellieisnotonline



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, Panic, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, Short One Shot, just let this poor bean be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-06-29 08:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19826239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellieisnotonline/pseuds/ellieisnotonline
Summary: Panic (noun) - sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behaviour.Or:In which Yuuri experiences his first panic attack, and he’s not exactly sure what’s going on.





	Panic

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for choosing to click on my story! It’s my first one here, I hope I did well ( ◠‿◠ )
> 
> Anyway, this little one-shot is based off a note I had written after one of my worst panic attacks so that I’d always have an idea of the symptoms I was having and the things going through my head at that moment. 
> 
> I suppose that’s why this may feel rushed, but oh well. 
> 
> I might make some art for this one-shot when I’m able to draw again, so stay tuned for that! ;-;
> 
> I’m open to creative criticism, so hit me with your best stuff!! （＾∇＾）
> 
> Edited 12 October 2019: I went back and reread this, and decided to rewrite it. I know obviously not everyone has the same experience when it comes to panic/anxiety attacks, but I wrote this based off of my experiences, and I felt it was missing something. (as I rewrote this I was actually feeling pangs of anxiety - that's how I know I am portraying the emotion correctly... oof) 
> 
> anyway, enjoy! (again)

_It’s a feeling that goes from zero to negative one hundred in a split second._

And yet, the feeling of dread slowly fills his veins and with every second that passes his sense of unease continues to grow. The normal colouring of his face pales as all the blood suddenly leaves his face.

The signs were all there: the inability to focus as the day progressed; the sensitivity to every sound he’d heard. It became more and more difficult to handle as the day seemed to drag on.

That in itself should’ve been a dead giveaway, but **_no_** , he chalked it up to stress from upcoming exams and assumed he’d be fine as soon as they were over.

Maybe if he’d realised sooner, he could’ve found a way to unwind his frame that had been tense since he left his home this morning.

Pangs of breathlessness come and go as his heart rate begins to increase – not enough for him to process himself, but enough to send the body into action. His normally cool hands are now warm and clammy, and his body temperature is rising ever so slightly. Beads of sweat begin to form on the back of his neck and his forehead.

 _What is this?? What is this feeling?_ He thought frantically as his eyes moved haphazardly across the open pages of the book he was supposed to be reading.

He brings his hands together and put them in his lap, as if pleading himself to calm down. A small tremble starts in his hands, but eventually spreads; to his arms; to his shoulders; to his legs. The tremoring spreads to every inch of his body, but he forced himself to sit still and straight as he felt his body shake with every ounce of adrenaline it could muster.

The soft chatter of the students around him sound is so loud he feels like he’s at an amusement park. It sounds so loud that it makes him want to cover his ears and scream at the top of his lungs for everyone to be quiet.

Feeling hopeless, he slumps his shaking shoulders and drops his head into his crossed arms on the desk. The surrounding sounds are driving him insane, but his legs are shaking so much he fears that if he tried to stand up, his legs would stop functioning and he’d fall to the floor.

His heart rate is increasing at a faster rate now, so much faster in fact that he can hear his blood pumping in his ears. The **_thump, thump, thump,_** in his ears conjoins with the indecipherable sounds surrounding him.

_When is this going to end?_

With a sigh of defeat and tears beginning to form in his eyes, he raises his head slowly, but keeps it lowered in an attempt to hide his eyes behind his short bangs. He refuses to let any chance of his classmates seeing him in this state happening. The fear in eyes; the layer of sweat covering his face; his still-trembling form – they’d surely notice something was wrong.

**They’d surely tease him for being w e a k .**

Sweat forms on his temples, slowly dripping down the sides of his face and collecting under his chin. His increased heart rate sent the blood right back up into his face; the bridge of his nose is dark red, and his cheeks are sporting blotchy red patches. He knows his face is too warm to be its normal colour. Whether the cause is due to embarrassment or the situation he has yet to realise he’s in… well – he can’t tell.

The pangs of breathlessness return with a vengeance. His body feels like it’s forcing him to exhale more air then he’s bringing in. He can’t inhale enough. His lungs feel half inflated. He’s feels like he’s suffocating.

Cold, hard fear slaps him in the face that very moment.

_Is this what a heart attack feels like? Am I having a **heart attack**? Am I **d y i n g**? **idontwanttodie–**_

He begins to panic. As if it weren’t hard to breathe before – his body is hellbent on making it even more difficult it seems. His failed attempts of trying to breathe normally quickly escalates into quiet hitched breaths and silent hyperventilating. Or well… as silent as one can be.

The urge to hide hits him. Somewhere where he knows he won’t be disturbed. _Hide, hide, hide,_ his thoughts speak over and over. _Hide somewhere safe, somewhere quiet, please,_

_hide, safe_

_hide, quiet_

_hide,_

_please, h i d e_

**_NOW_ **

**_NOW_ **

**_N O W_ **

And so finally,

It all gets to be too much. Everything becomes too overwhelming. What he hears; what he sees; what he feels; what he _smells_ … it’s become too much for him to handle.

Thirteen year old Yuuri Katsuki,

Has finally reached his breaking point.

He gathers what sliver of courage he has left and stands abruptly, silencing half the room in the process – but he’s deaf to it all. He nearly loses his balance in the process of pushing his chair back and stepping into the space between the rows of desks. Despite that, with clenched fists and hair covered eyes, he shakily walks as fast as possible to the sliding door at the front of the room.

“Katsuki-kun?” he vaguely hears one of his classmates call out in concern. But the noise from earlier is still there, lingering loudly in his mind. If he heard it, he didn’t react.

With more force than he intended, he slammed the sliding door open and ran through the empty halls to the furthest bathroom from his classroom. The bathroom is thankfully empty, and he practically throws himself into the furthest stall from the door, barely managing to lock the door behind him before his legs give out beneath him and he slides down the wall.

The boy brings his knees to his chest and drops his forehead to his knees. He sits in that position reveling in the silence of the bathroom and the darkness of the stall, trying to calm himself down.

But all he manages is choked sobs erupting from his throat as he hyperventilates, making it even harder for the boy to breathe. Tears finally overflow and fall down his face.

 _What’s happening to me?_ he thinks, as he knows no words the come out of his mouth will be decipherable. **_Why_** _is this happening to me? How can I m a k e i t s t o p ?_

Regardless of what it is, or why it’s happening, he’s by himself, and he’ll have to ride it out alone…

And once it finally passes, he’ll be waiting with dread in his veins and a sense of unease once more,

Waiting for the inevitable – waiting for the next one to come and possess him.


End file.
